While It Rains
by Meicdon13
Summary: [ONESHOT, songfic] Their mission is over and now they can lead normal lives again. Hakkai watches the rain falling one day and thinks about Sanzo, their relationship and how it affects him, the pains that they share. Is it really love? [Sanzo x Hakkai]


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Saiyuki, Minekura Kazuya owns it but I _really_ wish I could meet her and praise her and worship her for creating Saiyuki. I also don't own the song _Tuwing Umuulan _(While it Rains), it's property of the Eraserheads.

**Note:** I would like to thank my classmates Angelita and Angela for helping me translate the song. Lyrics in bold italic are the original Filipino lyrics and the ones italicized are the English translations (though we're sure that the translations suck). Reviews appreciated and flames accepted (but will be ignored). Many thanks to **Mikaze Azalea **for beta-reading! Arigatou, Azalea-neechan!

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**WHILE IT RAINS**

_**Pagmasdan ang ulan  
**__**Unti-unting pumapatak, sa mga halaman at mga bulaklak  
**__**Pagmasdan ang dilim  
**_**_Unti-unting bumabalot, sa buong paligid umuulan_**

_Observe the rain  
__Slowly dripping down, on the plants and flowers  
__Observe the darkness  
__Slowly surrounding, everywhere it's raining_

Hakkai sat quietly by the window, chin on hand and elbow on windowsill, and watched as the rain fell from the sky in angry gray torrents. It was almost night and the darkness was creeping into the trees marking the borders of the inn.

The healer was troubled. In retrospect, he had every reason to be happy. Their journey West was done and they were successful. Killing Gyumao had been quite easy; the hard part had been convincing the Kougaiji-tachi to join their side and help them.

A lazy green eye followed the path of a large raindrop as it hit the glass and slowly made its way down. He felt lifeless and numb. He couldn't even find the will to be depressed. Now that the mission was over, he didn't have any reason to see Sanzo on a daily basis.

_**Kasabay ng ulan, bumubuhos ang yong ganda  
**__**Kasabay rin ng hanging kumakanta  
**_**_Maari bang huwag ka na, sa piling ko'y lumisan pa  
_**_**Hanggang ang hangi't tula'y tumila na?**_

_Together with the rain, your beauty is flowing  
__Singing together with the wind as well  
__Can't you stay by my side forever  
__Until the wind and the poem cease?_

Hakkai used to hate rainy days. The way that the pounding on the roof reminded him of the day when he lost Kanan. The way that the sound of falling water almost drove him insane with the constant echoing in his ears. Then he found out that Sanzo hated the rain as well.

The shared dislike was like a special bond between them. Hakkai remembered their first encounter. Gojyo had convinced Goku to go shopping with him, leaving the two of them to angst in their four-bed room. The youth couldn't really recall who made the first move; the only thing that was important was the way their lips crashed together, the way their bodies pressed against each other.

The sex was unexpected but not entirely unwelcome since it served as a sort of temporary closure to the pain they both suffered whenever it began raining. When the other two came back, it was as if nothing had happened. Sanzo and Hakkai made a silent agreement not to talk about what happened but the healer felt something inside of him telling him that the next time it rained, something was sure to happen again. Hakkai began to look forward to rainy days.

Every time it rained, Hakkai would convince Gojyo to take Goku shopping. The sex was always quick and desperate. Most of the time, the violence of their coupling would leave bruises on hips and bite- or teeth-marks on shoulders. Their clothes easily covered the proof of their relationship but deeper marks were etched into Hakkai's soul.

After their first encounter, Hakkai began to see Sanzo differently. Sometimes the light would slant on Sanzo's hair and added to effect of the white robes. The monk looked like some deity that descended to Earth. Moments like these were few and the brunette made sure that he got an eyeful when they occurred.

Sanzo always kept distance; never giving in to the small affections that usually came with their kind of relationship. Hakkai told himself that it was just the way that Sanzo was; cold and seemingly heartless. It would endanger their journey because the demons might use Hakkai as bait to convince Sanzo to give up the sutra. The healer told these things to himself and in that way comforted himself as well. _When the journey is over, Sanzo and I can work things out,_ Hakkai said.

But false hopes were quickly shattered when the brunette had broached the subject with the blonde. Quickly and heartlessly, Sanzo told Hakkai that their relationship was inconsequential; something to help them forget about the pains that the rain brought.

_**Buhos na ulan, aking mundo'y lunuring tuluyan  
**__**Tulad ng pag-agos mo, di mapipigil  
**__**Ang puso kong nagliliyab  
**__**Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw  
**__**Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa  
**__**Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka**_

_Pour down rain, completely drown my world  
__Like your flow, it's unstoppable,  
__My burning heart  
__My love is overflowing  
__My feelings are shouting with joy  
__While it rains and I'm with you_

Hakkai just sat there, the memories playing in his mind like some demented movie reel. He still couldn't believe that Sanzo could be that heartless. Surely there was _something_ between them. If there wasn't anything, Sanzo could have chosen Goku over Hakkai; Tenkai knows the saru was completely willing.

The healer knew that he loved Sanzo. Nothing he could do was going to change that fact so the brunette decided to accept it. Why couldn't Sanzo give in to his own feelings? Couldn't he feel anything?

When Hakkai was with Sanzo, he felt whole. The world could be destroyed and he couldn't care less. Sanzo had slowly but steadily crept into his life and had become an important part of the brunette. The smiles that Hakkai gave Sanzo were genuine and he constantly worried about the blonde. Even the rain couldn't depress Hakkai because it gave him an excuse to be near Sanzo.

_**Pagmasdan ang ulan unti-unting tumitila  
**__**Ikaw rin magpapaalam na  
**__**Maari bang minsan pa  
**__**Mahagkan ka't maiduyan pa  
**__**Sakbibi ka't ulan lamang ang saksi?**_

_Observe the rain, slowly stopping  
__You too are almost about to say goodbye  
__One more time  
__Can I kiss and rock you too sleep  
__Only you and the rain as witness?_

Hakkai sat up straight in his seat. The rain was slowing down and the skies were clearing. The door opened and Sanzo stepped inside the room. Since their first encounter, it was the first time they didn't spend their time together while it rained.

"What is it, Sanzo?"

"Goku and I are going back to the Kinzan Temple in a few days," Sanzo said. "The saru seems convinced that we should say good-bye so I came here."

Hakkai smiled. "Is that all you're going to say?"

"Yes."

Emerald locked onto amethyst. Hakkai wanted to tell Sanzo that he shouldn't leave; _couldn't_ leave, wanted to do something to make the monk stay. He wanted to tell the blonde what he meant to him, wanted to knock some sense into Sanzo. It was his last chance to do anything before Sanzo's leaving became permanent. But nothing came out of his smiling mouth.

Sanzo turned around. His hand rested on the doorknob when Hakkai suddenly stood up.

_**Minsan pa ulan bumuhos ka't h'wag nang tumigil pa  
**__**Hatid mo ma'y bagyo, dalangin ito ng puso kong sumasamo  
**__**Pag-ibig ko'y umaapaw  
**__**Damdamin ko'y humihiyaw sa tuwa  
**__**Tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka**_

_For the last time rain, pour down and never stop  
__Even if you bring a storm, it's my begging heart's desperate wish  
__My love is overflowing  
__My feelings are shouting with joy  
__While it rains and I'm with you_

"You can't leave, Sanzo!" he said desperately, finally finding his voice.

"And why not, Hakkai?" Sanzo replied coolly. "There's no reason for me to stay."

"Yes there is!"

"If you can give me at least one reason, I'll think about it."

Hakkai took a deep breath before continuing. What he was about to say was nothing he could take back. "I…need you, Sanzo. I need you to stay here…with me."

Sanzo's hand never strayed from the doorknob and his face stayed a blank mask.

Hakkai was talking faster now, desperate to get any reaction from Sanzo. He would even welcome rejection because that meant the monk acknowledged his presence. "If you leave, I don't know what I would do. When you're with me, it doesn't seem so bad anymore even when it rains. You're my anchor in a time when I usually lose myself. You're more important than anything or anyone—"

"Is that all?" Sanzo's query sliced neatly through Hakkai's ranting. The blonde turned around to lean on the door, arms folded across his chest.

"Nani?" Hakkai was absolutely taken aback. Was all that he just said nothing to Sanzo?

"If you can't give me a better reason, Hakkai, I'll leave."

He was baring his heart and soul but the monk was clearly unimpressed. The healer clenched his fists. "That is _not _all, Sanzo! How can you be inconsiderate? After all we've been through, all those moments we shared, you're just leaving me?"

"I've been through more with Goku." Another typical Sanzo remark; something short and simple but destructive.

"Sanzo…" Hakkai felt as if a part of him was being ripped away.

"What we had was something born of necessity. We had nothing official going on." Sanzo was turning around once more, hand rising towards the doorknob.

"Sanzo…" Hakkai heard his own choked voice. "What am I to you?"

Silence. Deafening silence. Hakkai suddenly realized he was crying. The hand that wiped away the moisture from his cheeks glistened with tears…tears that looked like raindrops…

"Was I nothing more than a fuck-buddy?"

Sanzo simply opened the door and glanced over his shoulder before closing it. "Yes."

_**Maari bang minsan pa  
**__**Mahagkan ka't maiduyan ka  
**__**Sakbibi ka't ulan lamang ang saksi?**_

_One more time  
__Can I kiss and rock you too sleep  
__Only you and the rain as witness?_

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**I noticed that I like tormenting Hakkai…Haha…**

**Hope you enjoyed and please drop a review! **


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